Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize