She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
