I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
