Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
