I am spending my child support on dildos
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
did you just send me my own nude
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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