Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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