Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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