the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
