therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
