I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
