Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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