Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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