that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
