We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
