so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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