I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
