she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
