I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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