brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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