They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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