My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
