so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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