also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize