i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You can't motorboat a personality
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
