She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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