we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
