It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You were trust falling into bushes
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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