I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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