Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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