Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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