grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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