you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
