Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
