i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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