Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
