Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
