she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize