Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
