I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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