He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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