The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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