I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
