i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
