And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
two words...techno handjob
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
