I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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