At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize