I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
