This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
