you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
