I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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