i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
