The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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