You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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