so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
two words...techno handjob
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize