he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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