I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
