Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My cat gives me a boner
you traded sex for a burrito?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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