I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
