she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Couch. On fire.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
