Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
