Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
