I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize