She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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