Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
