Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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