Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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