Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
