that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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